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Tough New Measures
Under tough new measures to be announced today, the British public will be obliged to stop and search each other, thereby gathering vital information for the War Against Crime™.
The new law will require every citizen to stop and search five people per day, with each probe lasting a minimum of twenty minutes.
The results, gathered on a seventy-page form, will be passed to the police for prompt processing.
It is hoped that this way everyone will be searched at least once a week, and the resulting 1.5 billion sheets of weekly information will give a much-needed boost to the UK filing cabinet industry.
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